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I guess it’s time for me to be honest with myself and with whoever even reads this blog. I think it’s only fair that people know my feeling toward the senior seminar project. Lately I have not been blogging due to the fact that I have honestly lost all my motivation in this project. I have no idea how to even start it. I love writing poems and lyrics but now that it has become a homework and a grade it just doesn’t interest me. The fun of it was taken out. Over the summer the senior class had to read Drive by Daniel Pink and it states exactly this: when a fun hobby is turned into a chore or a price or grade is put on it, intrinsic motivation is lost. I guess this is what has happened to me. Also the fact that I am still afraid of failure is really playing in to my situation I am hoping that I can get over this stage and feeling during my Christmas break when I can have time to myself. I won’t lie, I am really behind and I cannot promise much for the rest of this semester. I wanted to put up some song lyrics that I wrote the other day to show that I at least have been writing but no, not yet. I feel that everything that I have been writing lately comes out horrible and lately I have not been able to express myself without extensive use of curse words. That is just the way I feel but if I were to post up anything of the sort I am sure that I’d be reprimanded. I feel lost in all this. I’ll try to find myself and hopefully not just end up getting even more lost because if I change my project I will feel like a failure, and if I continue it and it comes out like shit, I will feel like failure as well.