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I guess it’s time for me to be honest with myself and with whoever even reads this blog. I think it’s only fair that people know my feeling toward the senior seminar project. Lately I have not been blogging due to the fact that I have honestly lost all my motivation in this project. I have no idea how to even start it. I love writing poems and lyrics but now that it has become a homework and a grade it just doesn’t interest me. The fun of it was taken out. Over the summer the senior class had to read Drive by Daniel Pink and it states exactly this: when a fun hobby is turned into a chore or a price or grade is put on it, intrinsic motivation is lost. I guess this is what has happened to me. Also the fact that I am still afraid of failure is really playing in to my situation I am hoping that I can get over this stage and feeling during my Christmas break when I can have time to myself. I won’t lie, I am really behind and I cannot promise much for the rest of this semester. I wanted to put up some song lyrics that I wrote the other day to show that I at least have been writing but no, not yet. I feel that everything that I have been writing lately comes out horrible and lately I have not been able to express myself without extensive use of curse words. That is just the way I feel but if I were to post up anything of the sort I am sure that I’d be reprimanded. I feel lost in all this. I’ll try to find myself and hopefully not just end up getting even more lost because if I change my project I will feel like a failure, and if I continue it and it comes out like shit, I will feel like failure as well.

Supplies in Demand

I honestly have not had much time to think about specific details about my project. I know this is something I should already have figured out but it is difficult to do when my network of people and resources is still minimal. I have been thinking however about a list of resources I will need in order to record and edit music as well as film. I have simple editing programs for film through Imovie and have simple cameras. I am set for the video part of my project and am not so worried about that aspect since it will be the final part of it and it isn't the main component of it. The music videos will only be a nice addition to my album.

Now, what I am worried about is being able to produce the music. I like to write songs and when I write them I hear a melody produced in my head that can go along with the words, however, I actually have no musical background. I took 3 guitar lessons back in seventh grade and never picked up the instrument again. Even though I don't really need to be able to play an instrument to know what sounds well and what doesn't, I still would like someone with this background to help me out in listening to beats and rhythm in the music I will produce. However I am jumping ahead of myself, I need a way to produce music. I have tried the application Garage band various times and have failed miserably in making good music. I want to know of someone with a good ear for making music with such a program. Finally, the equipment I need is basic recording equipment such as a microphone to hook up to the computer, a good editing program, and I actually need to learn how to process the physical ablum.

These are all essentials for my project and I decided to put it out there because even though I will be trying hard to acquire these myself, a bit of outside help is always valuable. If anyone has such experience in these areas of music or any good equipment ideas, I would be very thankful for the advice.

The Music Conflict

Since the first time I was told about the Senior Culminating Project, I was convinced that my project would include my two grandest passions: music and film. My thoughts were that I was the only one with this idea and passions willing to make them happen, however, I was wrong. Two of last year’s seniors also had the same ideas as me, of making an album of personal songs and perhaps a few music videos. I felt that if I came in my senior year with the same idea, people would call me out on being unoriginal and copying last year’s projects. Being a prideful person, these were the last words I wanted associated with my work and I decided to change my project a bit for this year and decided I would include others in it. I wanted to throw an extravagant end of the year concert showcasing student talent in order to encourage student songwriters like me to bring their work to the light instead of keeping it hidden. However, I was told that this would basically be an “over glorified talent show”. I thought about it and I guess I agreed with this idea.
Another reason why I wanted to change my idea was because I didn’t want anyone saying that I was being selfish and not impacting others. Well, I spoke with some participants from last year and they informed me that it was okay to be selfish as long as the project impacted me. I no longer care what others may think, this is why I will go with my original plan and make an album and videos so that I can satisfy the feeling of wanting to feel like a true artist and have a record of my story for when I’m gone. Also, this project will be a perfect addition to any portfolio I am asked for when applying to any art and film schools in the future. I also hope that my songs inspire young songwriters to come out of hiding also and present their work to the world. I am tired of writing my thoughts down only so they can find the trash can a few days later. I will finally let the world know my thoughts by giving sound to them.